Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Of course I have a pirate flag
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
