Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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