don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
