You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
