Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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