One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
