i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
