would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
