Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think my vagina is haunted
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
