now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
