Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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