Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
