found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
