I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
