I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
