it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
