why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
