There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
