I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
