Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
