We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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