i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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