Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
