am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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