Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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