he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You're like the curious george of whores
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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