hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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