How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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