i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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