I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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