I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
