I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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