Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
