i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He? As in you personified your dick?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
