drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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