i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
