remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
