Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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