Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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