how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
