I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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