Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
