so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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