I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
