One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
