Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
