We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
