just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
