so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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