i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
